My wish.

I feel indifferent about this whole subject whenever it comes up. Everywhere I go, I see little kids with their fathers. I hope for the sake of that child, that they will grow close with their father as they grow old and that they will prosper. That they will have the strongest bond with each other, that nothing, will ever be able to come between them.

Some days, I feel like I just want to break down and cry. I wanted you there. I wanted you to be that father. The ones that I do see everywhere with their children, and the way they look at them. They're proud. They smile, because they are proud. And really, that's all I ever wanted to hear. I never needed anything else, besides to feel you there. Know, that you are behind me, supporting me, loving me, no matter what. You can say it a million times, but I know you were disappointed. For what? I tried everything. But, it never was good enough for you, was it?

I know that in this point in time I just have to face the facts. You will never be there to see me in my glory. You will never be there to see me at my faults. You will no longer be a part of my life. But, there are so many times when I'll stop to think about you, about what we could have had, could have been. But, life is too short and too complicated for those kinds of thoughts. I just wish you could have been a better father, and that I could have been the kind of daughter that you wanted. But, I guess now, neither of us will get what we want.

What's it come to?

I don't know what else there is for me to do.

Maybe I'm left in a vulnerable moment.

Or maybe I'm just starting to realize how I feel.

I want you more than anything else in this world.

But, I feel like I'm fighting.

Fighting for your time, your attention, your love.

Regardless of whether I try, or just finally give in,

You don't notice any difference.

It doesn't phase you one bit.

I sit overthinking, overanalyzing, a menace in my own mind.

I worry, I cry, I mope, I do nothing other than sit and wait for something to change.

I wait for something to spark into your mind.

Am I expecting too much?

Am I the one who is sabotaging this?

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I want us to work.

You are my all, my life, my everything.

I don't know myself without you.

I CAN'T live without you.

So, please. Let's figure this out.