fml

Ever made a big mistake in your life? One that you know could forever change everything you've ever known?.. Well I've finally reached that point, and never thought I would be in this position. I hurt the woman who is most important to me, who I have always envisioned spending my life with. Now...I'm broken. I feel that someone has taken my soul, every good piece of me and thrown it into the abyss. 

My intentions were never to hurt, never to be deceiving, dishonest, or untrustworthy. But, that's everything I was doing without realizing it. I wish more than anything, that I could take it back and take all of the hurt onto myself.

I can never put into words how much your love means to me, how much I need you and want you with me always. 

I know looking at me now, I'm not the same person you saw before, and won't be for a while. I've tainted everything and for that, I am truly, truly sorry. But, I don't want to be without you. Everything that we've endured..together has been worth it. We've overcome so much already, things that have been so much harder than this, and we came out strong. 

You are worth everything, and I hope that I'm worth everything to you, too.

B.

Death. It's never an easy thing to make peace with.
I thought that this would be more simple. I figured I could shut out the images, the words, and all of the tears that had been shed and move on with my life. But, I can't.
Seeing you in that hospital bed, all of the life drained out of you..has scarred me. Feeling your cold skin, body stiffening beneath my fingers. It haunts me every day.

I can't accept the fact that you are gone. I wish that you could be here for just a while longer so that I would be able to make up for all of the times that I wasn't around. Yet, I know that with death, you are never given a second chance.

Thank you for taking me in, for treating me like your own blood. You will never know how much it has meant. I think of you often and always keep you in my heart.